Happy summer everyone!

Still getting used to the feel of brushes and paper (which isn't very good for water colors and gets crinkled) and color on fingers and everywhere else, and I need to learn to take photographs. At least it feels like home now. Just an attempt at killing the blues after work.


P.S. A special thanks to the person who sent me a real set of pro-colors when all I could find were kiddie colors in this tiny town. AND told me to get out of the bluesy mode. 

Difficult Woman

She is 99 years old.
So old and wrinkled and stretchy, you could fold her into a quarter of her size
And push her right through the hole in her earlobe.
She does not know her birthdate, because if she did she would have remembered.
Yet she knows she is 99.

Cheated out of the luxury
Of a banal life in a tough country, and a tough century.
Struggling against a freedom struggle to keep her man
How wrong did she feel?
He was kind, just loved his land a little too much.
Seemingly anachronistic in the era gone by,
How wronged did she feel?

Deracinated from the western homegrounds,
In a city of immigrants imbued with culture and politics,
Vestige of vulnerability was time-consuming.
She had kids to feed after all.

So she still wakes up at 4 in the morn
To read her epics.
She has documented the going away of offsprings and associates.
She did not, simply because she stayed.
They say she does not yield.
Aye, she's a tough one.
She was not privileged enough
To not be one.

Holding the brush for the first time in about 12 years. Academics pushed everything behind, like is true for almost everyone I know. 

Altered Egos

Bored to the bone! What was he thinking getting us here? I would have said ambition but he probably did not  remember the reason himself, and who was I to assume. He needed directions even to his own apartment sometimes. But 10 or 15 girls from an engineering college hostel for a FOOTBALL team. Seriously? "Sikri yaar, thudde maar rahi hai"- he said to me. She looked at me, made a face. WAY TOO MANY RULES!! In midst of the chaos (or strategy, who knows?) we were left behind. Or we may have drifted towards the boundary on our own. Next best thing we come up with? Run around the frikkin field. I HATE running. She loves it though. Poor Whappy/coach- "Yaar, khel lo na". Naahhh.. Sighted: cute guy running in the opposite direction. That's new. Good looking guys in our college were so fresh-off-the-cow-ribeye-rare. We enabled each other. But, we were subjected to whistling and hooting around the boys' hostel too. I don't think I would have ever indulged in Adam-teasing with anyone else. Second guy of the evening annoyed with us.

Time lapse start. Exams. Running away on birthdays. Inebriation. Silliness. Warden scoldings. Job-interviews. Break-ups. Last sutta in her balcony together. Jobs. Make-ups. Masters. Convergence from the two ends of a continent. Time lapse stop.

It is a small quiet studio apartment in the middle of a very noisy city. She hasn't spoken a word since yesterday making it even quieter. Then, we have never needed those ostentatious buggers between us anyway. But, she's all grown up now, or at least pretends to be. She tries to shake me into adulthood too. FU@#. No. No. No. "You have to get serious and leave the crazy bone aside"- she says. Scolding for me and another one-seventh over the email to quit our vice. Intervention planning with the other how-ever-many-sevenths. Who gets that concerned? She does. She knows more about me than anyone else. She probably knows me better than anyone else too. Do I get her as well? Bertolucci's Isabelle would have concurred: "Siamese twins joined at the head".

Erstwhile love!!

Dear Strong Belief,

I have been thinking about us for sometime now. We've been together since I can remember. But, this is not working out anymore. I feel tired.

Association with you only brought me trouble. With family, teachers, opinionated strangers, God. I still could not resist you ever. I hate to let you go. But, I can't be a believer anymore. I don't mean to say that I'd be a non-believer because it is as exasperating as you. 

I met Ambiguity sometime back. I thought I should let you know before you hear from someone else. We don't get each other much. Yet. But, it's an easier relationship. Lesser emotion, more stability. I hope you would understand. 

Love,

G.